is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just pee around me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
