I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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