The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
