i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
