He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
