I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
