I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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