cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
