So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't deserve a penis
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
