At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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