I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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