if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
