I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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