Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
