I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
