I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
