weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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