Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
don't judge my taste in strippers
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
