i wish starbucks made bloody marys
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
