very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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