1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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