honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
