I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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