so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
