I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
