I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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