Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
