went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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