Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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