Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
