No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
