stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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