Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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