I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
