why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
