Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I CAN MOONWALK!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
