Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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