i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
