i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
