see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
