At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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