I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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