And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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