my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
