she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
