As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
