Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
