Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
