Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
