When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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