What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
