so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
