remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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