As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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