I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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