I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They are going to name an STD after you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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