My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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