I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
