6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
