I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
