I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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