I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
