Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
