All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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