Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
