What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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