You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
